Male dating a lesbian lynched for dating a white woman
Through it all, I found it hard to look at him: The wonderful smell of this man made me want to laugh out loud with pleasure, as did the lovely, slightly mannered, slightly pompous way he spoke (so like my own slightly mannered, slightly pompous speech).And I recognized in that delight, to my great surprise, desire.I was in a bar in Chicago when I told a close friend of 20 years that, despite being a lesbian, I was marrying a man.My friend and I hadn’t seen each other in a while, but we fell back quickly into our old intimacy -- those long, rambling conversations we used to have in coffee shops all over Minneapolis.When they hear that I am a writer, they are kindly enthusiastic and look up my work online.Then, one by one, the men come to my fiancé and say, with evident concern, “Do you know that she’s a lesbian? “I know.” Their wives are a little less friendly after that, but they are scrupulously polite.Penises, on the other hand, are a whole other ball game.We never know when they are gonna explode in our faces or jolt down our throats.
But when the drink was done, I left without looking back, without imagining anything could come of this.
It is precisely because our love makes room for us to be who we are, rather than cutting us to fit convention, that I want to spend my life with him.
One of the things I cherished about coming out as a lesbian years ago was the wonderful sense I had that I was leaving behind received forms of love, those that seemed to have disappointed my parents and friends.
Over that drink, I learned he had been a graduate student in New Haven when I was an undergraduate there.
In those days, he had recently returned from the Peace Corps in the Solomon Islands and North Africa, while I was slowly, painfully coming out, finding my way from an economics major to books.
Each group has their pros and cons, but there are definitely some days when guys become such a hassle that I think, "Screw it, it's girls only for me from now on." If we're being honest, all of us women have those days. You're either gay or straight, and as Lady Gaga famously sang, you were Born That Way.